


Innocence

by SirCracken



Category: Dead Space
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-13 22:12:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16027022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirCracken/pseuds/SirCracken





	1. Chapter 1

[ENTRY 1]

-Tabitha wouldn't stop asking me to begin writing. I kept telling her "no", but she was having one of those adult moments where they are not able to change their minds. It got too tiring to keep putting up with her, so I'm writing this now.

-I am not going to show any of them what I'm writing. They will think that I'm being cunning and trying to hide my thoughts from them. I don't hide my thoughts I just can't always show them to someone because they would not understand. Adults always say the same thing to me when I ask them about stuff, but clearly they need to ask themselves more than me.

-They keep telling me how bright I am. But I think that they just want to make me feel good. I always ask them questions about jobs and about babies, but they always keep the answer to themselves. If they really knew I was bright, they should know that I am just teasing them. I knew most of the answers to my questions. I just wanted to see if they did.

-Like when I called mother Tabitha.

-I am Toby

-Some of my classmates are Kevin, Alex and Steven.

-My sister is Lily.

-Mother's friends have names that I can not say.

-And father likes to be called Ted.

-So why am I not allowed to call mother Tabitha?

-I made sure that I said it properly. I thanked her just before I said her name, the way she always thanks me. I said just after that I really liked the name and wanted to use it more often. But she just looked at me like I had broken something and asked me to never call her that again.

-It's not fair.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 2]

-I had to go through another "Adult Moment" today.

-I was playing a game I just invented with Lily, that she agreed to. She understood the rules when she agreed.

-She was not allowed to pull her hand out of the pot without giving me all of her stakes.

-I couldn't either.

-She could only put her hand in the pot if she had anything to stake.

-As I had to also.

-And the colder the pot the less her stakes were worth. This rule did not affect me. We both knew that I would not care if the pot was boiling or not, I would keep my hand in longer than her. Always.

-I made a big effort for the game to be fair, so that we would stop stealing things from each others rooms. But Tabitha, (who I will always call that from now on) said that I was torturing Lily when she found us.

-We can no longer play together. And I have to see another doctor tomorrow.

-I wonder if Tabitha knew that I was being tortured?

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 3]

-The doctor is mad.

-I thought that her clothes made her look smart, but she is madder than Tabitha.

-I did not think that was possible.

-She spent most of our session telling me how to think. But she did not have motherly love as an excuse when she started saying things that made no sense. Any sense.

-She wouldn't let me talk back to her. So now I will write down all of her points and go over why they should not be used by a trained doctor.

"You not only hurt Lily on the outside, you hurt her on the inside"

-Only a small amount, if at all. The pot was only slightly hot and she did not put her hand in it for long enough for it to be hurt on the inside.

"You might encourage your friends to do the same"

-I have no friends. Lily and I both hate each other but we are also smart enough to not fight all of the time, and my classmates do not ever talk to me unless asked by the teacher.

"By doing that you were hurting yourself"

-Yes I was. That was the point of the game. How is that a bad thing when Lily had put down her stakes for me to get after the pain?

"I am here to help you"

-You are here because Tabitha has more money than free time. If you wanted to help, then why did you keep me with you for the entire hour?

"If you grow up thinking stuff like that is ok then you will become a bad person.

-That didn't stop you from getting paid to give bad advice, did it?

"How bad do you think Lily feels?"

-That is a trick question. You want me to say she is feeling bad, but what she feels does not matter. What matters is that the game is played fair so that we do not hurt ourselves for no reason. Adults put their emotions and pain aside when they do boring jobs, why am I not allowed to?

-I forget the other points that she brought up.

-It's not fair.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 4]

-I dreamt about falling off the station last night.

-I went through the glass and fell towards the sun. I was not scared when I fell. I thought that there would be something there to safely catch me. When I woke up I forgot what it was.

-Nothing interesting happened when I saw my normal doctor.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 5]

-I thought about writing down the date for once. But I can't remember which order the numbers appear. I used to know, but I forgot and don't really want to remember.

-My classmates are getting more stupid. They hit each other so hard that I thought their veins might close, but they thankfully opened.

-I have fewer of them to deal with now. At least until they come back from their own doctors.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 6]

-Tabitha wants me to start taking pills.

-They disgust me.

-I always think they are dead maggots, but she does not care. I tried to wash out their taste by the sink, to some success. I don't know why they are flavoured like that, or why other kids like them.

-Lily now has an imaginary friend.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 7]

-I noticed the babies crying more often.

-Tabitha and father have bags under their eyes.

-I have started to sometimes see orange. It must be the pills. I have been able to get rid of them without Tabitha noticing for now. She somehow always finds out what I have been up to, then asks me about it to see if I own up. I always do.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 8]

-A lot of things happened today.

-Lily was asked by father about her imaginary friend. When she described him father went pale. I don't know why. All that Lily's friend and father's brother have in common is the name. Why would Lily imagine father's brother? The only time she met him was as a baby. I think I should stop putting some of my pills in father's coffee.

-My normal doctor was been replaced. I think he finally got some of his patient's sickness. I did warn him about it.

-Tabitha is starting to hate me. She uses many more words to my face when I talk to her now. It's like she has a script for talking with me and a script for talking with her worse enemy and keeps getting the two mixed up.

-I managed to get her to cry.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 9]

-Tabitha read through this book after dinner.

-She hit me when she next saw me, threw me in my room and demanded that I erase all my words and apologise to Lily, my new doctor, father and my classmates when they get back. Then write an apology to her.

-No Tabitha.

-You don't deserve anything from me.

-I wish I could give your bruises back to you.

-I hate you.

-You sick fuck.

-I am going to throw this book into the nearest bin then pick up the kitchen kni-  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Toby's writing was interrupted.

It took him a minute to figure out what had grabbed his attention as he was extremely focused on his next sentence. He rubbed his bloodshot eyes and tried to pinpoint it.

No...

Nothing visual...

Audible?

He strained his ears, the ringing still mildly present, and then realised what had distracted him.

It was the first time that he had ever experienced a scream as visceral this one. The first time of many.


	2. Chapter 2

At first Toby was tempted to hide the book before looking out of his door. But the severity of the scream had replaced his caution with curiosity. Toby wasn't aware of its origins, but he guessed that it was the scream of a mother watching her child die right before her eyes.

He was partially correct.

Before Toby had a chance to open his door the footsteps of the adults rumbled past him. He hesitated until he was sure that the risk of his getting trampled was minimal.

Looking out into the hallway, it was like there wasn't anything wrong at all. The silence seemed welcoming at first. Nothing appeared out of place. Toby wished that the hallway was usually like this.

"What's going on?"

Toby turned around to see a small and frightened girl wearing a set of pink flower pyjamas.

"Did you hear the scream Lily?"  
"Yes"  
"Then shouldn't you know that something bad has happened?"

Lily didn't respond, but she did walk a little closer to Toby and try to hold his arm. The pair walked along the bleached walls until they heard panicked footsteps coming towards them. A young man with sweat underneath his arms came around the corner towards them and spoke in bursts as he tried to regain his breath.

"Listen, kids..."

He panted for a few seconds.

"You should both...go back to your rooms. Something bad has happened...and you really shouldn't be here"

Toby's face remained expressionless as he replied.

"We can look after ourselves just fine"  
"No kid...you really can't"  
"You do not decide if I can look after myself, I do"  
"Look I really...don't have time for this shit. Just go back to your rooms and I'll call you when everything..."

He panted for a few seconds more.

"...When everything is...safe...OK?"

Toby remained static in both his visage and tone as he responded.

"I don't have time for this either"

The man let out a groan, despite his lack of breath, and picked up the pair and carried them to the entrance of Toby's room. Once there he set them down and told them to stay before shutting the door behind him. Toby walked to his bed and rested his head between his knees. Lily sat besides him and held his arm. They both said nothing.

Lily eventually let go and looked around at Toby's room. She was rarely allowed in it by Toby, but this was the only time an adult had told her to go in, so she thought it was allowed.

There wasn't much in it to observe. There was a calendar with several medical appointments marked on it, but other than that it was mostly just empty shelves and bare walls. She walked around Toby's bed and saw the book laying at its side. As he opened it, Toby looked up at her, his eyes watery, and Lily instinctively looked back. The gaze he was giving her was that of sheer disapproval.

"Can I read this?"  
"No"  
"Is anyone allowed to read this?"  
"No"  
"Why would you write something if you won't let anyone read it?"  
"I wrote it for myself"

Lily sighed and put down the book, making sure to leave it exactly as she had found it. With boredom now taking up most of her mind she once again turned to Toby.

"How long do we have to stay here?"

Toby shrugged without looking back, his head facing the floor.

Lily went towards the door and carefully placed her hands around the handle, standing of the tips of her toes as she did so. It gave a tiny creak as she opened it. She strained her head back to Toby and asked him...

"Do you want to stay here?"  
"No"  
"Do you want to come with me?"  
"No"

Lily checked to make sure that Toby was still looking at the floor before rolling her eyes.

"Well you have to pick one"  
"I don't want to"  
"That doesn't stop you from choosing. It's not like you can avoid both options"

Toby didn't reply. Lily was starting to get a frustrated, but then she thought of something.

"Are you upset that people don't trust you?"  
"Yes"  
"I just had an idea on how you could maybe change their minds"  
"..."  
"What if we go to whatever emergency just happened and try helping the people there? Then they'll see that you can be trusted!"  
"They won't let me go anywhere near someone in need of help"  
"Well...you can just help them anyway. They sounded like they need all the help they could get"  
"From other adults, yes"  
"Don't you want to be thought of as an adult?"

Toby looked up and wiped his eyes.

"Also my arms and feet are starting to hurt from being like this, so I want to get going"

Toby tried to hide a laugh as he got up from the bed went towards the door. Lily pushed it open, then she and Toby shut it as they went out into the hallway.

They continued past where the man had spoken with them, and walked silently until they reached the service elevator.

And saw the streaks of red on the outside.


	3. Chapter 3

It was dripping down the metal doors like a dissolving spiderweb. It didn't look like it had splattered on them, but was seeping out of them, like an open wound.

The effect it had on the pair was instant.

Toby's skin changed as though a switch had been turned inside him, and was now almost completely white. Lily's face was soon covered in tears, and she began to sob. She emitted a single quiet,

"Toby..."

before burying herself into his back.

For a while the dripping and the sobbing seemed much louder to Toby than they actually were, and he tried to cover his ears in a vein attempt to silence them. He pressed so hard that they seemed like bright red pustules compared to the rest of his body. 

But somehow, by a product of inane curiosity or longing to disrupt the droning sounds surrounding him, Toby stepped forward. He was hit a powerful and confusing feeling when he did so.

Every bone, every cell, in his body was telling him to stop, but somehow this only motivated him to investigate further, as if his own desire for survival was reason enough for him to defy it.

The red seemed to pulsate and glow as Toby reached for it. He almost expected it to explode when he finally made contact. The tips of his fingers glistened when he took them away and Toby tried to wipe it away with his other hand, only to get both of them faintly stained. 

A horrifying thought passed through him.

"This could be mum's..."

Lily's reply was muffled but still understood.

"Please no...it can't be"  
"I don't know if it is, but it could be"  
"Don't say things like that Toby, please..."  
"If there's an option of it being possible, I must"  
"..."  
"Lily, even if that isn't mum, something must have done that. That something could have done that to everyone on the station except us, but we aren't going to let it happen to us, OK?"  
"...OK..."  
"Follow me. We need to find something to defend ourselves."

Taking solace in this statement, Lily wiped her eyes as she was lead towards the canteen.

It was completely barren of any living soul, as expected. Food still remained on some of the plastic tables in various states of disorder, as was the cutlery. Upon closer inspection, it was found to be all made of the same substance as the tables, and unsuitable for any purpose besides eating pre-cut food. 

Something useful was eventually found behind the serving counter, after some effort was made by Lily to push Toby over it. He fell ungracefully but on his feet. Some of the stoves still had flickering red sprites above them. Toby could smell the beginning of an accident and turned them off as quickly as he could.

The fridges in the staff section were found to be fairly well stocked, with frozen slabs of meat and vegetables lining the shelves. Toby took a handful of something that resembled celery and went back to the counter to pass half of it to Lily, encouraging her to eat any form of sustenance in case all of the chefs had perished.

Before he climbed back over, Toby looked at the kitchen utensils opposite the serving spoons and spied something sharp. Once Lily carefully picked up the knives dropped at her feet, Toby clambered over with the assistance of a stool underneath the sink.

The two were still scared, confused, and on the verge of tears, but with the knives now in hand it would be some time before either of them began crying again.

Despite all of the inhuman trials Lily was about to go through, and all of the visions Toby had yet to experience. 

The first of which he saw at the canteen's entrance, waiting for him, with her arms twisted and head crooked.


	4. Chapter 4

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 10]

Lily was having trouble keeping track of all of the tasks I wanted us to do, so I picked up this book from my room to keep track of all of the things we need.

\- Find out what happened to everyone  
\- Find Tabitha and Ted  
\- Fortify a cubby inside of our rooms  
\- Make a tunnel between our rooms  
\- Stock up on frozen/canned foods  
\- Find medication for me

\- About the last task: If Lily was telling the truth, and Tabitha wasn't there at the canteen, (she seemed very real at the time) I might need to do this soon.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 11]

\- We managed to call the elevator and peek inside. There was even more blood than on the outside. Lily wouldn't step a single foot forward until we got rid of it all. Thankfully the bathtubs still work, and there were enough towels to clean it up before we got too tired of going between the elevator and the tubs. We'll check out the floor above us tomorrow.

\- I saw Tabitha again when I started falling asleep, I talked with Lily until she went away. Lily asked me to watch over her while she went to sleep afterwards. I soon followed. 

\- We ate some frozen greens. At least it's healthy for us, I think.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 12]

\- We pushed most of the furniture from the living room into the hallway, and in front of the doors of our rooms. We can crawl past them fairly easily, and if anything else should try, we would be alerted.

\- The floor above us was mostly empty. We pushed some of the unbroken furniture into the elevator, to be used as more barricades. I'll get the rest tomorrow, Lily said she'll take them from the elevator when I send them to her from the floor.

\- Tabitha appeared when we were going to bed. I talked to Lily until she went away. Lily is getting worried about me, and decided to watch our door until I went to sleep. She said she heard some noises beneath us, but didn't see anything during the night.

\- Ate some more green stuff from the freezers. No risk of running out at this rate.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 13]

\- I saw something horrible come out of the elevator when I was about to send more furniture down to Lily. It was missing a leg, so I was able to lead it around in a circle until the elevator came back up. Lily said she closed it on the thing's leg, which was proven when I saw it just outside the doors. The monster needs to be gotten rid of soon. We'll need all the barricades we can make.  
\- Lily managed to unscrew the vents in our rooms with her knife, making the tunnel. We put most of the cans from the canteen inside it, in case we need to hide there for a while.

\- We heard the thing banging on the elevator shaft. Our doors were completely blocked off and we slept inside the vents after moving our blankets.

-We ate some apples and biscuits before going to sleep. Lily is clenching her fists.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 14]

\- We pushed some tables and chairs in front of the elevator, then some ladders besides it. We got used to jumping off the tops of them after some practise. We called the elevator down and waited until we saw the monster try to climb over the barricades before jumping. It stopped moving when Lily cut off its spike. Lily replaced her knife with the left one, I used the right.

\- Lily wanted to get rid of the blood, so I ran a bath. She got in with her pyjamas still on and dried them in front of the heater. I did the same. We both laughed about it for a bit.

-Tabitha came back. She didn't go away when I went to sleep.

\- Took some ham and orange juice.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

[ENTRY 15]

\- Tabitha was still there when I woke up. She looks worse than before. Lily still can't see her. We didn't find pills on the floors above us.

\- We are not going back to the floors below.

\- Broccoli and sausage.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

[ENTRY 16]

\- Another monster came up the elevator. I told Lily to aim for its legs. She's the perfect height for doing so. 

\- Lily has stated practising by cutting the air. She took almost too many swings last time. I practise by throwing the extra spikes we now have at the walls. I can aim fairly well.

\- Reminder to self: Tabitha isn't there.

\- Some celery.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 17]

\- Found out that everything that wasn't frozen in the canteen had begun to rot. I threw the rotten foods into the floor below us, then went back up just as fast as I went down. I could hear faintly gurgling noises from below.

\- Reminder to self: Tabitha isn't there.

\- Beans.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 18]

\- Reminder to self: Tabitha isn't there.

\- Reminder to self: Tabitha isn't there.

\- Greens.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 19]

-Lily saved me. I didn't even hear the monster come up during the night, but she heard it as it came down from the ceiling. 

\- This new one is just wide enough for one of us to hide under. We left it in the elevator with some food and sent it to the lower floors. After we dealt with the monster it brought up, we found the corpse to be untouched. 

\- I might consider crawling underneath it whilst looking for medicine in the lower floors. Tabitha is almost always here.

\- Reminder to self: It doesn't matter what she says, she isn't here.

\- Meat.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ENTRY 20]

\- Lily said she would try and see if the monsters noticed her beneath the corpse of the one she killed yesterday. I thought she wouldn't come back up, but she did, and told me that she wasn't noticed and found someone else alive. I almost couldn't believe it. She says that this 'Officer Mut' has holding out in one of the apartments downstairs since his squad died, like us, and he might have a way to escape.

\- He gave her a walkie talkie. I still couldn't believe there was an actual adult when she powered it on. He couldn't talk for long but told us to stay strong and that we would "get out of this".

\- I just want to get away from Tabitha.

\- Why won't you leave me alone?

-You aren't here.

-You aren't here.

-You aren't here.

-You aren't here.

-You aren't he-

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"But I am Toby"


End file.
